Joe21
04-20-2009, 03:00 PM
Part 1 is somewhere below. We're now inside the super center, so-------
We've bought our cart accident insurance and now we're ready to find those bargains. Since this is a "super center", let's head for the picture frame section. Dang, this cart has a wheel that will not turn. Oops !! Look out !!! We almost got hit by that stupid shopper's cart. Say, that's a nice looking picture frame and it's marked down to $7.95. At that price I think I'll get two. Whoa, what's this? A loaf of bread? Yep, some shoppers like to play "Easter Egg Hunt" all year long and delight in putting unwanted items in the strangest places. We ease down the aisle after colliding with two shopping carts. Fortunately, there were no injuries and very little property damage. As we proceed to the grocery section, we pass the shoe department and spot a can of diced tomatoes in a pair of size 14 shoes.
Entering the grocery section we come to a complete stop as there are three women carrying on a conversation and their carts have the aisle completely blocked. The next aisle is open so off we go. Looking ahead it appears I'm following a wide body jet with stretch-tight pants that have been stretched to the limit. I get down to the peanut butter section, pick up a jar and start reading the label. Look at this !! It says, "Allergy Warning, Contains Peanuts". I start to put the jar back on the shelf and spot what appears to be a ribbon among the jars. Several people have now gathered near the peanut butter section. One of the ladies reaches up and pulls the ribbon down and holds it up. An elderly gentleman asks, "what's that thing" and the lady responds, "this thing is a thong". "What is a thong" asks the gentleman. "A thong is a thing that --- oh, forget it". We never did determine if it was new or used.
Well, we start down the next aisle and it looks like a convention is in full swing. Near the cereal section is a lady with six kids with the oldest looking to be no more than ten years old. Each kid wants a different type of cereal and it looks like a free-for-all is going to break out at any minute. As we draw closer. it becomes obvious Number seven will be arriving soon. I can just imagine the many happy years she will spend as a member of the local PTA.
I check my shopping list and head for the cake mixes. I see what I want but can't quite reach it. A lady with a cell phone is quoting the price of every item within sight to the person on the other end and dares me to interrupt her conversation. I get a little upset and leave in a huff, something one should never do in a super center. I get to the end of the isle and crash head-on into another cart. Maybe that insurance policy I bought when I entered the store was not such a bad idea after all.
I'm now down to aisle 17 and there is nothing on this aisle I need. Hey, there's a cute little blonde with a knock-out figure down there. Maybe I need to check out this aisle after all. I put the cart in low gear and follow the blonde as her body sways gently as she meanders down the aisle. Of course this distraction does cause me to crash into two more carts, but again, no major damages. The detour down Aisle 17 was definitely worth the time and effort.
Since I'm very close to the egg section, I decide to get a couple dozen so I can make some deviled eggs for the "Gate" function. I open several cartons to check for broken or cracked eggs and noticed a little something extra on several eggs. As I was leaving the egg section, the thought occured to me, maybe they should put a label on the egg carton, "May contain a little chicken manure".
There's one more item on my shopping list and I head for Aisle 24 where this item has been stocked for ages. I arrive safely at the designated spot but can't find the item. I've discovered over the years that most stores employ people who specialize in hiding some itemsI purchase on a regular basis. Finally, I find a store representative and ask "where did you hide the collard dip?" "Oh, we moved it to the back of the store. It's now located between the toilet tissue and Johnny Mops on Aisle 42. They can keep their old Collard Dip, I'm not going way back there for one item.
Checking out can be one of the most exciting events in our trip to the super center. There are 37 checkout locations but only seven are open. First, one must select a checkout line that is the shortest or where the shopper's carts contain only a few items. I see a line with only four carts and few items in each cart and conclude this will be the fastest line. Warning: Never use this strategy in a super center. The first one in our line is a lady with six items and a total bill of $7.94. After her items are totaled, she slowly proceeds to extract her purse from her pocketbook. The pocketbook is about the size of a Georgia Overnight Bag. She finally finds her purse and starts digging out the money. She hands the clerk four one-dollar bills and the remainder in small change. As she leaves she turns to us and gives us a sweet little smile.
Next is a gentleman with two sacks of dog food and four packages of Little Debbies. His charge card does not work and after many unsuccessful attempts discovers the card is out of date. He then pulls out his wallet and and after a 15 minute search finds another card that is accepted. I look to my right and note that the lady ho was number ten in line when I got in line has now checked out. But, not to worry, we'll be out soon. The cashier has just completed scanning the items for the next gentleman when he announces, "hey, I forgot the bread" and scurries off to the bread section. The lady in front of me turns, rolls her eyes and says softly, "is it Sunday yet?" When she moves forward, the cashier scans her 14 items, she has her money ready and in no time is going out the door. That's my kind of shopper when it comes to checking out.
Well, I've got my purchases in the cart and ready to head for car when a booming voice comes over the intercom: "will the lady who lost her thong in the peanut butter section please claim it at the customer service desk. I though I was going to be crushed in the mad rush to the customer service desk by ever man in the store, but by some unknown quirk of fate, I was the first one there. ;)
I have the feeling none of you thought shopping could be so much fun !!!!! ;)
We've bought our cart accident insurance and now we're ready to find those bargains. Since this is a "super center", let's head for the picture frame section. Dang, this cart has a wheel that will not turn. Oops !! Look out !!! We almost got hit by that stupid shopper's cart. Say, that's a nice looking picture frame and it's marked down to $7.95. At that price I think I'll get two. Whoa, what's this? A loaf of bread? Yep, some shoppers like to play "Easter Egg Hunt" all year long and delight in putting unwanted items in the strangest places. We ease down the aisle after colliding with two shopping carts. Fortunately, there were no injuries and very little property damage. As we proceed to the grocery section, we pass the shoe department and spot a can of diced tomatoes in a pair of size 14 shoes.
Entering the grocery section we come to a complete stop as there are three women carrying on a conversation and their carts have the aisle completely blocked. The next aisle is open so off we go. Looking ahead it appears I'm following a wide body jet with stretch-tight pants that have been stretched to the limit. I get down to the peanut butter section, pick up a jar and start reading the label. Look at this !! It says, "Allergy Warning, Contains Peanuts". I start to put the jar back on the shelf and spot what appears to be a ribbon among the jars. Several people have now gathered near the peanut butter section. One of the ladies reaches up and pulls the ribbon down and holds it up. An elderly gentleman asks, "what's that thing" and the lady responds, "this thing is a thong". "What is a thong" asks the gentleman. "A thong is a thing that --- oh, forget it". We never did determine if it was new or used.
Well, we start down the next aisle and it looks like a convention is in full swing. Near the cereal section is a lady with six kids with the oldest looking to be no more than ten years old. Each kid wants a different type of cereal and it looks like a free-for-all is going to break out at any minute. As we draw closer. it becomes obvious Number seven will be arriving soon. I can just imagine the many happy years she will spend as a member of the local PTA.
I check my shopping list and head for the cake mixes. I see what I want but can't quite reach it. A lady with a cell phone is quoting the price of every item within sight to the person on the other end and dares me to interrupt her conversation. I get a little upset and leave in a huff, something one should never do in a super center. I get to the end of the isle and crash head-on into another cart. Maybe that insurance policy I bought when I entered the store was not such a bad idea after all.
I'm now down to aisle 17 and there is nothing on this aisle I need. Hey, there's a cute little blonde with a knock-out figure down there. Maybe I need to check out this aisle after all. I put the cart in low gear and follow the blonde as her body sways gently as she meanders down the aisle. Of course this distraction does cause me to crash into two more carts, but again, no major damages. The detour down Aisle 17 was definitely worth the time and effort.
Since I'm very close to the egg section, I decide to get a couple dozen so I can make some deviled eggs for the "Gate" function. I open several cartons to check for broken or cracked eggs and noticed a little something extra on several eggs. As I was leaving the egg section, the thought occured to me, maybe they should put a label on the egg carton, "May contain a little chicken manure".
There's one more item on my shopping list and I head for Aisle 24 where this item has been stocked for ages. I arrive safely at the designated spot but can't find the item. I've discovered over the years that most stores employ people who specialize in hiding some itemsI purchase on a regular basis. Finally, I find a store representative and ask "where did you hide the collard dip?" "Oh, we moved it to the back of the store. It's now located between the toilet tissue and Johnny Mops on Aisle 42. They can keep their old Collard Dip, I'm not going way back there for one item.
Checking out can be one of the most exciting events in our trip to the super center. There are 37 checkout locations but only seven are open. First, one must select a checkout line that is the shortest or where the shopper's carts contain only a few items. I see a line with only four carts and few items in each cart and conclude this will be the fastest line. Warning: Never use this strategy in a super center. The first one in our line is a lady with six items and a total bill of $7.94. After her items are totaled, she slowly proceeds to extract her purse from her pocketbook. The pocketbook is about the size of a Georgia Overnight Bag. She finally finds her purse and starts digging out the money. She hands the clerk four one-dollar bills and the remainder in small change. As she leaves she turns to us and gives us a sweet little smile.
Next is a gentleman with two sacks of dog food and four packages of Little Debbies. His charge card does not work and after many unsuccessful attempts discovers the card is out of date. He then pulls out his wallet and and after a 15 minute search finds another card that is accepted. I look to my right and note that the lady ho was number ten in line when I got in line has now checked out. But, not to worry, we'll be out soon. The cashier has just completed scanning the items for the next gentleman when he announces, "hey, I forgot the bread" and scurries off to the bread section. The lady in front of me turns, rolls her eyes and says softly, "is it Sunday yet?" When she moves forward, the cashier scans her 14 items, she has her money ready and in no time is going out the door. That's my kind of shopper when it comes to checking out.
Well, I've got my purchases in the cart and ready to head for car when a booming voice comes over the intercom: "will the lady who lost her thong in the peanut butter section please claim it at the customer service desk. I though I was going to be crushed in the mad rush to the customer service desk by ever man in the store, but by some unknown quirk of fate, I was the first one there. ;)
I have the feeling none of you thought shopping could be so much fun !!!!! ;)